D0nny, ph34r u5
August 12th, 2004 | Published in whoa!
Be thankful that we aren’t incoming schoolies and that the rooms in Farisee have doorknobs instead of handles.
This evening Tim once again decided to be a dickhead and lock Ray out of their room. Eli and I decided to aid Ray in his revenge. What can a group of intelligent college-age students do when facing a locked door?
Why, lock it from the other side! We initially took a heavy-duty broom handle and duct-taped it around the handle of the door. While the handles swing independently, the tape and broom handle prevent the door from opening. We then reinforced it with an aluminum bar we found in the closet and then began covering the remaining space with tape as a further annoyance. Later in order to fill the gaps at the bottom we then taped the seat cushions from two chairs over the opening.
No masterpiece would be complete without a soundtrack. We determined that the ideal soundtrack for the occasion would be an endless loop of Leslie Gore’s Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows, Reggie and the Full Effect doing Dwarf Invasion and Neil Diamond’s Forever In Blue Jeans. Perhaps some Wayne Newton too.
Update: Phase 2 has begun. We control the fuse box. The contractors that built this complex were very meticulous in their documentation. You have 15 minutes to comply.
Update 2: Phase 3 has begun. The soundtrack is reality. Subject still refuses to recognize the futility of the situation.
Update 3: Phase 3 has successfully enraged the subject. We are the better men. We have secretly removed everything unbeknownst to him.
